¡Feliz Año Nuevo! Happy New Year!

My 2018 New Year’s resolution is to start exercising my brain every day. They say learning a new language is supposed to do that, so I am already working on this, however, I don’t think it is working. For the second time in just a few short months I have put my clothes on backwards. The first time, my shirt was not only on backwards, it was on inside out!

Today I put my one piece bathing suit on backwards and stood there in front of the mirror wondering why my boobs kept falling out.

Yesterday I went to the community office to sign out some DVDs. I picked out five: a couple of romantic comedies and a few action thrillers. DVDs are handy to have here in Mexico as the internet is not always reliable, so our nightly Netflix streaming is not always possible. Anyway, when I got home, Steph picked up the movies and looked through them and said, “Corrie, we watched this one three days ago!” I looked at the cover, read the back panel, and said, “Seriously?” I am not lying, I had no recollection whatsoever of having viewed that very movie literally 72 hours previously.

There’s more…

We play pickle ball with a group of people here at Los Arroyos Verdes three times a week. I know everyone’s name except for the guy who started it all. I know it is a German name, but for the life of me, I never remember WHICH German name. So on the way there I run through the list with Stephane…”Is it Helmut? Herman? Wilfred? Heinz? Horst? Oh for crying out loud…what the hell is his name?” “MANFRED!!!” Steph replies with more and more exasperation in his voice every day.

He thinks I do this on purpose, but really I do not. Do you think I like having five jars of mayonaise in the fridge because I keep forgetting that I already bought some? Nope, I think my brain is melting; Thus the New Year’s resolution.

I read that Sudoku is one of the most popular puzzle games of all time and is an excellent brain game. If you play Sudoku daily, you will soon start to see improvements in your concentration and overall brain power. I tried it once on the plane and was so bored within 5 minutes I gave up. Now I am not a quitter, in fact, in general I am quite focused and determined, but for some reason I just could not get into it. Maybe I will try crossword puzzles, or some of the online brain exercises. For now though, I will resolve to check my clothing for labels before donning.

P.S. I finally remembered my old last name…it was not Lacey – that WAS the street I lived on. My last name was Lindsay…or was it Lindsey??

Tequila Neat

There is something to be said about a country where a bottle of water costs 40 pesos, a bottle of beer costs 30 pesos and you can buy a litre of tequila for 40 pesos ($3 Canadian dollars). I am not sure what is says, but it means something.

The other day I was off in search of Cointreau or Triple Sec. You see, to make the perfect margarita, you need one of these orange liqueurs. Everywhere in Mexico you will see the legendary square green bottles…but they are not Cointreau…they are Controy…a Mexican knock off version that is just not the same. I get why all the bars and people use it, because it costs 140 pesos, whereas a bottle of real Cointreau, if you can find is, costs 540 pesos, but therein lies the difference between the perfect margarita and the mediocre.

Fresh squeezed lime juice and quality tequila are also a must. On that note, any tequila you can buy at Walmart for 40 pesos a litre is NOT the tequila you are after. Trust me on this.
Tequila to Mexicans is like wine to people who live in the Okanagan. We all know there is good wine, and there is bad wine. And there is wine that is red, wine that is white, blends, Brut…wine is not just wine; It is an art; an array of talent, terroir, and tenacity. No year is the same, no varietal likewise. You can buy $5 a bottle rot gut or you can spend $100 for something worth lying down in your cellar for a decade. So it is with tequila.

Mexicans are horrified by “gringos” who come down here and take “shots” of tequila with salt and lime. Imagine slugging back a $100 bottle of wine and chasing it with a beer...you get the point. By law, “tequila” must be grown in the state of Jalisco (and a few other small regions) and is made from 100% blue agave. And like grapes, agave grows differently depending on the terroir – or region where it is grown (typically in the cooler highlands) and the higher the altitude where agave is grown, the sweeter the tequila, which should be drunk neat, slowly, and in a snifter: certainly not in a blender with lime juice and Cointreau.

Unfortunately all this flies in the face of creating the perfect margarita. So, in true gringo style, I shall contribute to the ghastly gringo habit of adulterating tequila and give you the recipe for the perfect margarita:

3 parts average quality tequila (no point wasting the good stuff)
2 parts fresh squeezed lime juice
1.5 parts Contreau
.5 part homemade simple syrup

Pour all of that over a container of ice and stir (don't shake), then strain into a wide mouthed glass with salted rim

Stocks, Bonds, and Dog Poo

When Steph decided it was time to retire, we agonized over what to do regarding our “nest egg.” Should we leave it in the stock market, purchase real estate, sit on cash? Trust me, I get that this is a first world problem, but do not underestimate the toll these decisions can take on your well being. We literally analyzed every option to death, and in the end, experienced complete “paralysis by analysis.”

The short answer is, there is no right answer. There is not even a comfortable answer. All answers suck! Invest in an overheated stock market – and when it crashes you could lose half your nest egg. Same goes for investing in an overheated real estate market. Sit on cash at 1.8% interest and you lose money due to inflation. The truth is, once you retire you worry more about what happens to your money and whether or not you have saved enough to last your life time, so decisions seem to matter more.

What we finally decided to do was that which was MOST comfortable – or should I say LEAST uncomfortable. We put 25% of our net worth in long term investments (50% in ETFs, 25% in cash, 25% in Stocks/bonds). I try not to look at these investments…it gives me a stomach ache. The ups and downs of it all are disturbing to me, and the one time I decided to actively “play” the markets, I failed miserably and lost a significant amount of money. Needless to say, the bulk of our nest egg went into real estate. Real estate is what I know. It is what I have always done – I am good at it, therefore it is what I am most comfortable with.

Our principle residence has no mortgage and we decided to put in a basement suite and rent it out up and down for as long as we are travelling. This produces enough income (almost) to live on down here. We dip into a line of credit for the monthly shortfall. That small bit of debt is offset by the rise in real estate prices. While travelling, we have the rest of our nest egg invested in a revenue property that is also rented. The rent pays the expenses and the property has risen in value nicely. I anticipate we will spend about $53000 a year CA while living in Mexico and the Caribbean. Our two properties in Canada are likely to go up by $60,000-$80,000 a year, so technically, my net worth will increased while lounging by the pool and strolling various beaches!

Naturally, there is no guarantee. House prices could drop. BUT, I have a few simple rules that have never failed me, and throughout the many ups and downs of real estate markets, I have always, only, made money. Here are the rules:

Rule #1 You do not make money when you sell real estate, you make money when you BUY real estate. In other words, only buy something that you can get for a bargain.

Rule#2 Buy the ugliest house on the nicest street. This allows you to improve the property and make money when you sell it.

Rule #3 The property has to make money in three ways: when you buy it, when you fix it up and sell it, and as a rental property in between.

Renting out your property has its ups and downs of course. On the up side, there is someone in your property making it less likely to get broken into. You have someone there to shovel snow, and you have income. On the down side, you can get stuck with lousy tenants who don’t pay their rent and/or trash your house. I have owned many properties over the years, and have had many tenants, and only twice did I have issues, so all in all, for me it has worked out well.

Our newest tenant in Oliver, BC stopped paying his rent last month. I had my son take over an official notice to serve to him, and in the next 10 days he took great pleasure in trashing my house – including animal feces on the floor and walls…yes the walls. Now while that might sound horrifying to some, for me it was not really that big of a deal. I called my contractor, had him go in and clean and paint the walls, and rip out all the flooring and put in new flooring. Then I will put in new tenants. The truth is, the flooring needed to be done anyway, and new flooring and paint will raise the value of the property. It was all taken care of with a couple of emails and a credit card. To me that is still so much easier than working twenty more years to save more money so that I could afford NOT to rent out my property. And definitely easier than figuring out management ratios, dividends, and when to buy, hold or sell my Amazon and Google stock (yes I have both).

Those kinds of decisions for me are just so hard to make and I always make the wrong decision…take my Crescent Point energy stock (sorry Uncle Mike)…it took a real dive a few years ago, so I decided to hedge my bet and buy more. It continued to fall so I continued to buy (most of the big investment firms had posted "strong buys" on this stock (it’s oil, it’s gotta come up eventually right?)) NOT!

My stock is now down 78% and yet, I just cannot bring myself to sell it. IT IS A BIG LOOSER AND I CONTINUE TO HOLD IT. In fact I am tempted to buy more! You see! I am NO GOOD AT THAT STUFF!

Give me lousy tenants and dog poo any day!

Eating for Less, Eating Less, or Lessons for Eating

People often ask “what should I budget for food when living in Mexico,” and of course, the answer to that is, “it depends.”
Are you an eat out kinda guy that likes burgers and beer, or a street food person – interested in culinary adventures? Are you a Costco gal or a Jamie Oliver wannabe?

I consider myself a “foodie” which in my world means I love all food. I love to grow it, cook it, and eat it. There is not a food I won’t try once. I have eaten grasshopper tacos, goat intestine, and mystery meat from around the planet. I seek out new and curious fruit. If it grows…I want to know if I can eat it.

My experience is that IF you eat like a local, your food costs will be less than if you go abroad and try to eat like you do back home. For example, here in Mexico, the average person does not use olive oil. It is stupid expensive here. In fact, most Mexicans just buy a big tub of pork fat from the butcher for a few pesos and use that.

Now before you say “eeeeew gross” you have not lived until you have tasted rosemary potatoes fried in pork fat!
Chicken is widely available in Mexico, and very cheap. Turkey not so much. Duck, you can find if you ask the local butcher, but you are just as likely to get one of his neighbours pets. Pork is cheap, hamburger is incredibly expensive. White bread expensive, tortillas cheap. Exotic fruit cheap, apples very pricey…you get my point.

Forget eating Granny Smiths, and go for the super crunchy deliciously sweet jicama – almost free!
Choriza sausage…fresh made…pennies.

So, working with fresh local ingredients is the key. Herbs and spices are hard to come by and quite expensive…until you figure out that Cuban oregano grows prolifically here and is as aromatic and delicious as the kind we grow back home. There are many local herbs that grow here – most I have not tried yet. There are also a huge variety of sauces here that are fun to work with. Who knew there were so many different kinds of Mole and hot sauce? And then there are peppers…so many different kinds, sizes, colours and flavours. I could live here a year before I have tried them all.

Beans - dried that is - also almost free, and come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and can be used in a plethora of ways – providing a good source of protein.Soak them over night, then cook them. Seems like a hassle – but once you get in the habit of the weekly soak, it is no big deal. I have made a variety of hummus type dips that are delightful spread on a crunchy tostado and topped with fresh salsa made with a variety of peppers, red onion, tomato and cilantro (with a little lime juice, sugar and salt.

So tonight's supper was a layered casserole. Layers of fried chorizo - cooked with beer and mole sauce

blackened poblemo peppers, two kinds of cheese and cilantro. Each layer was baked in the oven until the cheese was bubbly and brown, then the next layer was added.

Then we dipped fresh fried tortilla chips and broccoli in it. Rich and delicious.

Like anywhere, you can spend an enormous amount of money on groceries - depending on what you buy. The key to keeping your expenses down is to use locally grown ingredients - and in Mexico, that is no burden. Fresh fruits and vegetables abound, as does a variety of fresh seafood, pork and chicken. Stay away from brand names you recognize and you will be fine.

Leemos Muchos Libros

Stephane and I have been reading a lot – and why not? We have a lot of time. It was one of the things I was looking forward to the most.

I went to Graduate school when I was 42 to do a Master’s degree, and during my two years of school I did more reading than I had ever done in my whole life. By the time my thesis research was done I had a difficult time picking up a book. I did not read for pleasure for YEARS. Knowing in advance that I would likely get bored sooner than later this winter, I had psyched myself up for lots of reading: Reading in the hammock; Reading while floating on my air mattress; Reading by the pool; Reading in bed during sex (No just kidding, I NEVER read during sex); Reading in bed.

Today we had a wonderful day of bike riding through the town of Bucerias. We rode up and down dozens of cobble stone streets. It was really great to see all the casas and tiendas. Going downhill was a little precarious as the bikes we were riding lacked decent breaks. I had to dismount and walk my bike down each hill. I would then get on the bike, start to ride up the hill, run out of steam and then get off and walk the bike up the hill. I guess Steph and I had a nice walk through Bucerias today. After many hours and many miles I was looking forward to taking it easy and doing some reading.

I sat down with a glass of wine, put my feet up on the ottoman, and picked up my book. This would be my fourth or fifth book in the last few weeks. I flipped open to the dog eared page and started to read. After a few minutes, I laid down my book and said, “You know, I just cannot get into this book. It seems a lot like the last one I read. They are so similar I keep getting the characters all mixed up.” Then Steph said, “Corrie, that is the last book you read, YOUR book is over there – I am reading that one now.”

Oh my, sometimes I seriously think I have dementia. Yesterday as we were sitting by the pool playing Anagrams, Stephane played the word “lacey” and I said, “Hey, that was my last name from my first marriage…or maybe that was the street I lived on. I cannot remember.” Seriously, for the life of me, I cannot remember. If it was the street I lived on, then what the heck was my name? Oh well, it doesn’t matter.

Pickle ball is tomorrow. We finally got over our aches and pains, so are reading I mean - ready - to do it all over again. Except now I am thinking I should maybe start exercising my brain...I heard Sudoku is good...

Fermented Vegetable Sport? - Stephane

Though it was not on my list of things to do or try in retirement, yesterday we started learning to play the fastest growing sport in North America…PICKLE BALL !

I must say, the name Pickle Ball does not inspire people to take it very seriously. I am thinking it has something to do with Squash, the other vegetable sport?

The game is fun enough - sort of a cross between ping pong and tennis. Corrie says the reason it is so popular among retirees is because the big plastic ball with holes it if flies through the air slowly and when it bounces it slows down even more making it extremely easy to run up on it. In fact it is hard to miss it! (Corrie did however find many numerous and humorous ways to miss). She says there was a hole in her racquet and that occasionally her arm would shrink at the last second thus making it impossible to hit). Admittedly, she WAS the cutest person on the court.

We are both feeling the pain in our glutes today. In fact, we are hobbling like a couple if crippled seniors, moaning when we sit, and bemoaning the lack of a bathtub to soak in. As a side note - what's the deal with the lack of bathtubs in this country? We have looked at dozens of properties, and rarely will you see one with a tub. I guess it has something to do with the heat, but if I am to become a Pickle Ball officianado, I may have to reconsider where I live...a tub is a must for my aching body. We will see if the Pickle Ball -outs last. I have never been much of an exercise guy: I tried exercise once and it didn’t take.

Truthfully, I quite enjoyed playing, it was lots of fun, and it is certainly easier than Tennis. We have committed to playing twice a week, and will keep you all apprised of our progress.

Sounds of Silence

The sounds of the tropics are like no other. And take if from me – the lightest sleeper you will ever meet – you need to embrace them if you are to retire here.

Let me step you through them:

The sound of bird begins within seconds of the sun peeping its head over the Sierra Madre Mountains. The parajos are loud but in a nice way; Beautiful parrots, parakeets and other song birds that greet the day with a variety of squawks and trills. It is a lovely, energetic sound that literally makes me want to spring out of bed and greet the day.

Intermingled with the bird song is the occasional motorcycle or scooter speeding down the road – a worker off to his job raking leaves, or building houses. Those are not too bad, but what sends a chill down the spine when you are still rubbing the sleep out of your eyes are the air breaks of trucks. You would think that you would only hear those on highways. Wrong. You hear them everywhere. I do think there are laws about using them in towns and cities, but really...laws? In Mexico? Who are we kidding?

As I drink my coffee on the patio, more sounds join the chorus…the raking of leaves. It is pretty non stop at this time of year. Fall comes to the tropics too – and the tropics gives all new meaning to the notion of leaf raking. The leaves are huge! Giant Adam and Eve type leaves…seriously, I could make clothes out of some of the leaves that fall! Every morning the repetitive chore starts over…the gardeners rake the blossoms and leaves that have fallen over night. Piles of Bougainvillea blossoms, and pods of various types lay on the ground waiting to be raked up over and over again.

As the neighborhood awakens, you begin to hear the sound of perros and more coches. You won’t hear roosters at this time of morning as they begin their choir around 2am. I am not sure who started the myth that roosters start cockadoodledoing at sunrise, because trust me on this, in every of the 40 countries I have travelled to, the damn things start squawking around 1-2 am! I used to hate it. I fought it. I complained, and cursed, and prayed they would all croak to death on their cockadoodledooing, but now I have embraced them. They are a part of the rhythm of life here. Their song says, “Back off Jack, these are my girls!” as they protect their flock of hens and tell the other cocks nearby, “back off Jack!”

Learning to embrace the poultrygeists of the night was not easy. I have literally cried all night for lack of sleep. The trick is to LISTEN to them. Instead of trying to shut out the noise with earplugs and pillows, and sleeping pills, and tequila (believe me I have tried them all), LISTEN to the sounds of the night! Now, instead of dreading the nightly wake up calls, I hear them, and I listen to see if I can count how many I hear. Sometimes, there are so many roosters calling out to one another, it sounds less like cockadoodledooing, and more like an orchestra tuning up before the show.

Then as the chorus of doodlers gets going, the perros of all sizes join in. Deep barks are answered by sharp quippy barks. Canine conversations compete with the cocks to tell the world that their territory is not to be tread upon.N ow, as I analyze the sounds, they have become a type of white noise that soothes and tells me all is well in the tropics.I n Costa Rica and many other places, along with the dogs and the birds are the howler monkeys – who add to the cacophony an eery howl that is unlike any other I have heard. Fortunately, there are no monkeys here.

The other sound that lulls you to sleep when you first crawl under the covers are the crickets. They are loud: louder than the dogs and the roosters combined. The crickets can be deafening, and you have no choice but to accept that night does not exist without this music.

According to Wikipedia there are more than 900 species of crickets in the world, with the greatest diversity being in the tropics. Crickets are mainly nocturnal, and are best known for the loud, persistent, chirping song of males trying to attract females. Now personally, if my mate was that loud when he wanted sex I would tell him to buzz off…