I have recently run into a situation that has my head about to explode! I am so frustrated that my tears have transformed into peals of morbid laughter as I ponder the stupidity of the situation in which I find myself. Indulge me some preamble:
When I sold my property in Oliver in October it was with the intent to move in with a girlfriend in West Kelowna - just for the winter. The idea was to keep each other company and to head to Tuscany for the worst of the winter. Then we had to cancel our trip due to covid19 getting out of hand in Italy. Initially I accepted that turn of fate with good grace and thought I would just get a head start on finding a more permanent place to live.
If you know me or have followed this blog for any length of time you will know that Real Estate purchases for me are more than a place to live - they are investments - part of my two star retirement plan. I need to be able to have my equity do more than provide a roof over my head. I need my investment to grow. That means anything I buy has to either create income (vacation rental or long term tenants), or it is a project to renovate it and sell it for profit. The amount of projected profit determines how long I have the luxury of living in it.
Due to the covid19 situation, the real estate market in the South Okanagan has become temporarily over heated. A lack of supply and historically low interest rates have created a sellers market. Anything that is not overpriced is sold instantly - often with multiple offers - and usually for more than they are worth (in my humble opinion). This makes it very difficult for someone with my criteria to make money. My old adage is that you don't make money when you sell a house, you make money when you buy a house! NEVER pay too much: an impossible task in a seller's market.
Anyway, my plan was to find a place to rent, ride out the stupidity in the marketplace, and buy a house when the reality of a global recession kicks in and all the houses currently going into foreclosure hit the market in about a year. Great plan right? Not so much. For reasons unknown, the rental market here in the Okanagan has become as hot as the sales market, and that is where the story of insanity begins...
Because there are so many people looking for places to live, property managers and landlords do not need to answer emails or phone calls. They leave it up to the looker (that's me) to fill in an online application. Sure. No problem. EXCEPT that all the online applications are designed for perpetual renters and working folks. The applications go something like this:
Application: Current Address________________
Me: I type my girlfriend's address
Application: How long there___________
Me: 1 month
Hmmmmm...... I can't put that down...they are going to wonder why I am looking for a new place to live after only renting somewhere for a month! Ahhhhh....better just write down the address of the house I just sold. Perfect...was there 3 years!
Application: Landlord's name______________
Ummm...bought my first house at 23 and have not rented since....grrrr...I'll leave it blank.
Application: Are you employed? Yes/No
Me: No
Perfect. So now they think I am a 58 year old deadbeat that doesn't work and refuses to give her landlord's name.
Me: Delete application.
That's OK....don't panic. Keep looking. That house looked like it had cockroaches anyway. Next application is off to a good start:
Application: Current Address
Me: same as above
Application: Rent or Own?
Me: Own. (yeah, now they will know I am a responsible human!)
Application: Mortgage Payment_________
Me: 0
Application: Incorrect amount. Required field.
Me: 0.00
Application: Incorrect amount. Required field.
Me: $000.00
Application: Incorrect amount. Required field.
Me: $950
Wait a minute....now they think I am a 58 year old unemployed woman who will have a mortgage payment and rent!! AAAAAAAAAAAarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggg!@!!!
Delete.
Nowhere on these online fill in the blank applications can I explain myself. I have no way of telling them I just sold my house, had no mortgage, and have all that money in an account just waiting to give to them. No-one is going to pick me! ME - the perfect tenant. ME the clean freak, the non- smoker. I have no pets. I don't party (though I am seriously considering over drinking at this point).
My head is exploding and if not for the generosity of my girlfriend who is letting me stay with her until I find a place (or until she gets sick of me - which may come sooner) I would be homeless!
I stopped laughing awhile ago. I am back to crying.
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