Sex in the Tropics

Sex is alive and well in the tropics. In Mexico the birthrate is down from 19.02 births per 100,000 to 16.09 in 2017. That is probably a good thing, since the population here had been exploding exponentially since the sixties; however, compared to Canada’s birthrate, let’s just say they make a lot of babies here. Being predominantly Catholic here means Mexican families are expected to have as many children as God grants. Everywhere you go there are babies, small children, and young families. It is actually nice to see. Mexican culture is very family oriented, family being something that is held in high regard. But this is boring…let’s get back to sex.

Say the word lubricant to any Boomer woman and we all know what it is, where it is, why it is God’s gift to women, and well, you get my point. Bring up lubricant in Mexico and you are more likely to be directed to the nearest gas station. Forget KY ladies, Mexico’s brands of lubricants include Shell and Pennzoil.

If you are lucky (and brave) you will find it behind the counter at most pharmacies. At first I wondered why on earth they kept it behind the counter. It is just mean! Imagine me at the counter trying to explain to the pharmacist in bad Spanish what I need. Worse yet…using my hands to overcome the language barrier…believe me, it isn’t pretty. Well after I got through that particularly humiliating experience, the pharmacist hands me a tube of lubricant so small I giggled thinking to myself, well that just won’t do ! Worse yet, the .000005 ml tube was eight dollars! No wonder they keep it behind the counter! This stuff is liquid gold! I suspect it is traded on the black market down here by upper middle class retirees. Clearly this is not a normal every day commodity and has nothing to do with making babies.

So the other day I am by the pool discussing this conspiracy to get back at baby boomers for whatever it is we have done wrong to screw the “screwed generation” when the woman I am talking to me says, “I think Mexicans use coconut oil – that’s cheap!” (NOT a good idea by the way…for a dozens reasons which you should Google).

Nope, there are only two alternatives: No Sex (not an option for me) or humiliate yourself before family and friends who are coming to Mexico to visit you, and ask them to bring you the real thing from Canada when they come down. The difficult question then becomes do you ask them to bring what you really need – thus hinting at how often you have sex, or just say “bring me a three month supply” and see what they show up with – thus hinting at how often THEY have sex? I vote for the latter.