Fearless

I have been listening to the book Think Like a Monk. The author, and former monk, Jay Shetty talks about fear and why we should acknowledge it and walk towards it. I find myself pondering this quite a bit. I have often been called fearless, and to others, it probably appears as though I run towards fear as I seek out intensity and constantly push myself beyond my comfort zone. Eckhart Tolle in his book The Power of Now says that those who seek adventure and intense situations do so because it forces them to be present. The example he gives is when someone is rock climbing: a single missed step could mean death. Being in the moment - at that moment - is required for survival, and so it forces the climber to be truly present. Living in the moment is not easy for most people. We tend to live in the past or in the future. Neither allows us to be in the "now."

My travels and adventures of the past 15 years have enabled me to be in the moment. I don't think I ever truly understood why I needed adventure so much. My addiction to the intensity of new experiences was enabling me to be present. During this pandemic as I have been unable and unwilling to travel, I find I am feeling incredibly uneasy...like a fish out of water. Travel has enabled me to do that which I have not learned to do at home - be in the moment. 

Learning to be in the now is my intention for 2021. For me what that looks like is taking time each day to look at where I am and try to experience it as I do when I travel to a new place. I want to explore the beauty and excitement that is the Okanagan. I want to walk the streets of Kelowna and see what is around me. I want to indulge in each and every meal I cook as though it is my last. I want to listen to music that moves me to tears. I want to read books that inspire me and I want to write. In 2010 I started writing a book about my first trip around the world. This year I will finish it. 

When I am not travelling I always keep myself busy. I never give myself permission to lay around, read books, or just gaze at the view. I am always rushing from one project to another. Always looking ahead and planning the next adventure. Always moving. Always wondering. No wonder I love getting away! 

I think I have come to realize that it is not the travel per se that I  love so much. It is each and every moment of the travel. I live and love each moment. Is it possible that when I am not travelling I fear the now? What is in the now at home that is scary, I wonder?

This year I will take the time to face my fears - whatever they are. I like to think of myself as self-aware, self actualized, and authentic. I know what I like and want and have always lived my life with intention. But acknowledging my fears...not so much. I don't know what it is I am afraid of but I have an inkling...and now is the time to run towards it. I need to be fearless about that which I fear.

My Head's Exploding!

I have recently run into a situation that has my head about to explode! I am so frustrated that my tears have transformed into peals of morbid laughter as I ponder the stupidity of the situation in which I find myself. Indulge me some preamble:

When I sold my property in Oliver in October it was with the intent to move in with a girlfriend in West Kelowna - just for the winter. The idea was to keep each other company and to head to Tuscany for the worst of the winter. Then we had to cancel our trip due to covid19 getting out of hand in Italy. Initially I accepted that turn of fate with good grace and thought I would just get a head start on finding a more permanent place to live. 

If you know me or have followed this blog for any length of time you will know that Real Estate purchases for me are more than a place to live - they are investments - part of my two star retirement plan. I need to be able to have my equity do more than provide a roof over my head. I need my investment to grow. That means anything I buy has to either create income (vacation rental or long term tenants), or it is a project to renovate it and sell it for profit. The amount of projected profit determines how long I have the luxury of living in it.

Due to the covid19 situation, the real estate market in the South Okanagan has become temporarily over heated. A lack of supply and historically low interest rates have created a sellers market. Anything that is not overpriced is sold instantly - often with multiple offers - and usually for more than they are worth (in my humble opinion). This makes it very difficult for someone with my criteria to make money. My old adage is that you don't make money when you sell a house, you make money when you buy a house! NEVER pay too much: an impossible task in a seller's market. 

Anyway, my plan was to find a place to rent, ride out the stupidity in the marketplace, and buy a house when the reality of a global recession kicks in and all the houses currently going into foreclosure hit the market in about a year. Great plan right? Not so much. For reasons unknown, the rental market here in the Okanagan has become as hot as the sales market, and that is where the story of insanity begins...

Because there are so many people looking for places to live, property managers and landlords do not need to answer emails or phone calls. They leave it up to the looker (that's me) to fill in an online application. Sure. No problem. EXCEPT that all the online applications are designed for perpetual renters and working folks. The applications go something like this:

Application: Current Address________________

Me: I type my girlfriend's address

Application: How long there___________

Me: 1 month

Hmmmmm...... I can't put that down...they are going to wonder why I am looking for a new place to live after only renting somewhere for a month! Ahhhhh....better just write down the address of the house I just sold. Perfect...was there 3 years!

Application: Landlord's name______________

Ummm...bought my first house at 23 and have not rented since....grrrr...I'll leave it blank.

Application: Are you employed? Yes/No

Me: No

Perfect. So now they think I am a 58 year old deadbeat that doesn't work and refuses to give her landlord's name.

Me: Delete application. 

That's OK....don't panic. Keep looking. That house looked like it had cockroaches anyway. Next application is off to a good start:

Application: Current Address

Me: same as above

Application: Rent or Own?

Me: Own. (yeah, now they will know I am a responsible human!)

Application: Mortgage Payment_________

Me: 0

Application: Incorrect amount. Required field.

Me: 0.00

Application: Incorrect amount. Required field.

Me: $000.00

Application: Incorrect amount. Required field.

Me: $950

Wait a minute....now they think I am a 58 year old unemployed woman who will have a mortgage payment and rent!! AAAAAAAAAAAarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggg!@!!!

Delete.

Nowhere on these online fill in the blank applications can I explain myself. I have no way of telling them I just sold my house, had no mortgage, and have all that money in an account just waiting to give to them. No-one is going to pick me! ME - the perfect tenant. ME the clean freak, the non- smoker. I have no pets. I don't party (though I am seriously considering over drinking at this point). 

My head is exploding and if not for the generosity of my girlfriend who is letting me stay with her until I find a place (or until she gets sick of me - which may come sooner) I would be homeless! 

I stopped laughing awhile ago. I am back to crying.

Home

For a lot of people, being without a “home” would be disconcerting or unsettling, and while I have mini moments of this, overall, my sense of home has never been tied to a building. Home for me is not a house - it is a place where I feel loved. I have lived in dozens of houses in many different cities in a handful of states and provinces in four countries and on two continents; some were homes, some were not. When I was younger, the church I attended had an orchestra and a drama team and we used to perform full length productions. One of them I performed in was called Home is Where the Heart Is and for me that has certainly been true. I have lived in beautiful homes with stunning views, crappy condos with even crappier condo boards, and even downright nasty places with cockroaches, yet in each I felt at home. Most recently I called home a small “in between space” I fondly referred to as The Hovel.

The Hovel was a space I designed in the last house I renovated. It was located between my lower basement suite and my upper vacation rental suite. The idea was to have a space where I could store my stuff should I ever decide to go travel for an extended period of time allowing me to rent up and down without having to move my valuables out of the house. Naturally the in between space had to have a sizable wine cellar and the TV room with adjoining snack room could be used whether I lived up or down.  The hovel was maybe 400 square feet and it was never my intent to live in that space, however, when the pandemic shut down happened, all my vacation rental bookings upstairs cancelled. I wrongly assumed that my summer’s income would be all but gone, so I decided to put a long term tenant into my basement suite (the space where I normally live in the summer when the upstairs in rented). I figured if I was going to be without summer income from the upstairs, I might as well have some income from the basement suite and enjoy living in the newly renovated upstairs myself. Much to my surprise however, when the lockdowns were eased, overnight my vacation rental upstairs booked up solid and I found myself with nowhere to live except The Hovel. Adaptability has always been one of my strong suites so the TV room became my bedroom and snack room doubled as a kitchen. Over the summer I became very fond of my tiny space. It felt cozy and safe even though I was alone and there was no one there to love me except me...so with that in mind, I began working on self-love, and soon The Hovel became home.

I believe it is my concept of home that allows me to travel and move frequently without feeling unsettled. While I take pride in making my homes beautiful and comfortable, I accept that no matter how large or luxurious a house is, no matter how impressive the view - a house without love is not a home at all. I used to say that I would rather live in the back of a turnip truck with someone I am desperately in love with than in a mansion with a cold shoulder. 

What I have most recently come to realize though is that I need to learn to live in a turnip truck (or a mansion) with myself. Contentment is something I believe springs from within a well of self-love and although it is a marvelous thing to be loved and adored by someone else, I find myself desperately wanting to fall in love with myself. Is that weird? 

I took myself on a date this weekend. I went to a lovely organic winery and enjoyed the beautiful views overlooking the lake. Then I went to lunch – just me and a book I bought called The Cork Dork. I had a lovely time. 

Reinventing myself at 58 is not exactly what I had in mind. Losing my best friend and soulmate – even though it was my call - was devastating, but it was the first step in my journey. Self-love is the foundation for setting boundaries and creating healthy relationships with others, so I am eager to learn how to practice self-care, I am anxious to get back to pursuing my interests and goals, and I am excited to start living a life that leaves me feeling proud of who I am.

Saying Goodbye

I said goodbye to a dear friend last week. This friend has been with me through the turbulence of the last six months. Her bubbly personality will be missed. It was hard to say goodbye as I scraped the jar and dumped my sourdough starter down the drain. I will miss her. She was always there when I needed her. She made me feel safe in these troubled times.

Next month, on October 14th, I will say goodbye to my house, my furniture, and virtually everything I own. I sold my house as a turn key vacation rental property and I am moving on to new and better things. I have absolutely no idea what that looks like, but I must say there is a certain sense of freedom and excitement not knowing. I will start my adventure by staying with a good friend in West Kelowna where we will concentrate on drinking wine and playing pickleball. Then, on December 4th, she too becomes homeless as she also sold her home recently, and we are heading off to Tuscany (Italy) - Ville di Corsano to be exact.

It is a lovely villa that sits atop a hill overlooking the Tuscan hills and vineyards. At night you can see the lights of nearby Siena - a gorgeous, historic city. Normally I would only go somewhere warm in the winter, but this year due to covid19 I wanted to go somewhere where there is good free public healthcare, good food, and most importantly, where the wine is prolific and inexpensive. My friend Judith and I will be completing our advanced sommelier courses while there. I don't actually want to work as a sommelier. I did work in a winery this summer - for three days - but I am just not cut out for working under a manager that is younger than my kids and dumber than my big toe. Really, I just want a better understanding of wine. I have an active brain and it needs to keep busy so this is a strategy that combines my need for learning with my passion for good food...because good food is always better with good wine.

While I am in Italy it is my intent to spend much time pondering my next step in this ever changing two star retirement plan. I do not think I want to flip houses anymore and while I am intrigued by the idea of building a tiny (not tiny on wheels, but small in size) house, I need something more fulfilling. I have ignored one of my driving needs for far to long: contribution. I need to find a way to make a meaningful contribution to the world and I think it is time to add that to the retirement plan. I hope to do some networking, and talking to old friends to see what doors, if any, might be open for me to use my skills towards some cause. I understand now that retirement is more than just not working and travelling - at least not for me. I need more than laying on a beach. I need an opportunity to grow and to give.

It is for that reason I have sold my vacation rental business. I have my last customer coming this weekend in fact. It has been a surprisingly busy summer. Staycationers have kept me busy so at least I am going out with a bang. Last week however, I almost went out with a bust - and yes - this is the disaster I referred to on Facebook last week! I had several days between customers so I decided to have Joel my son and his wife over for a really nice dinner. I had cleaned the vacation suite and sanitized everything, but needed to use the kitchen and dining room for the dinner party. As we were starting our third course of food, and second bottle of wine I saw a car drive up and park in front of the house. I said aloud, "I wonder who that is?" but as I said it I got a knot in my stomach and I knew. I leapt up and ran to the vacation rental calendar, and to my horror realized I had screwed up my dates by a day. 

"Quick! Grab the dishes, grab the food  - oh my god what have I done? Everything - quick - get it out of here! Joel you move the stuff, Rachel you start cleaning. I will stall them!" I went outside and said hello and mentioned there would be a small delay due to a "wee disaster" and could I offer them a lovely 2014 Pinot Noir to enjoy while sitting on the deck? I gave them a tour of the yard, we talked about wine, and before long I got the nod from Joel that all was well. I let out a sigh of relief, and as they entered the house I entered the disaster that was my laundry room full of food and dirty dishes! That's when I remembered that we were using THEIR dishes! To make a long story short, the kids and I finished our meal sitting on my bed downstairs, and over the next two days I was finding cutlery and plates in very strange places. As I returned them to the people upstairs - apologizing for the lack of cutlery in their drawer and alluding again to the "disaster" (which I am pretty sure they thought had to do with plumbing) I had my customers begging for three days to tell them what had happened. I joked with them and said, "Not until after you post your review."

It all worked out but horrified me nonetheless to think that I had been so flighty. The last number of months have been rather stressful and perhaps I should cut myself some slack. I have been through a marriage breakup, a very bad flare requiring starting new medication that requires weekly injections and makes me nauseous, selling my house, discovering I had rented my now sold house to two people for the same space at the same time (that's another horror story for another day), and of course covid19. As we speak I am self monitoring as my son Joel - a teacher  - is at home with a cold/fever awaiting his covid test tomorrow. Given all that has been going on I am actually surprised I haven't forgotten my name! On a positive note I have lost five pounds without even trying!

Losing a little weight before Italy is probably a good thing...all that pasta is bound to add up to a significant weight gain. Christmas season in Tuscany is really eating season. 

They don't just have Christmas dinner, holiday meals include Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and the 26th of December – Santo Stefano... three days in a row of culinary delights! According to the Discover Tuscany website after the above holiday meals there is "a reprieve of 4 days before everyone is back at the table for the Cenone di Capo d'Anno – the “big dinner” for New Years Eve – many times based only on fish. This would then be followed by lunch on New Year's Day. And then 5 days later the last event of the season, the Epiphany and the the arrival of the Befana, an ugly old witch who would deliver holiday gifts" and of course, more food!

It all sounds like just what I need. 

I Don't Need New Glasses...I Will Just Take Yours!

I was chatting with a friend the other day about the stock market and my view that we are on the verge of a precipice. I am pretty sure the markets are about to go off a cliff and I anticipate a huge sell off in equities. I also believe the housing market is going to crash. So as I was energetically outlining my thesis of what is to happen, my girlfriend said, “You are so negative!” That stopped me dead, and I found I felt confused by her reaction. I could not stop thinking about it all day.

Each of us has a world view. We see things through a lens that is formed by our life experiences, our culture, and our personality. The trouble we run into is it is easy to forget this and we tend to assume that everyone “sees” things as we do. I am actually not pessimistic about the stock market at all! Or the housing market. Quite the opposite in fact! I am excited about it. 

You see, for me, the “doom and gloom” my friend thought I was purveying was enthusiasm for knowing (or believing I know) what the near future holds. I see opportunity to control my own destiny. I see change coming. Good change – and I want to share that with those I care about so they too can take advantage.

In my opinion the stock market is overvalued, and I have been sitting on cash for quite some time waiting to buy back in when good companies are “on sale.” I mean really, who doesn't like a blue light special? I wrongly assumed that everyone would want to know about it. And when house prices come down they will be more affordable – and that is not a bad thing - young people who have been priced out of the market will be able to take advantage and so will I. By knowing that the housing bubble is about to pop I have the opportunity to sell high, before prices tank, not only saving my equity, but giving me the chance to buy back in at a better price. Unfortunately, what is good for some is bad for others, and what I conveyed to my friend was received as doom and gloom even though my intent was quite the opposite. The problem was in my assumption that she thinks like I do. 

As I ponder this I wonder how many marriages have failed, how many friendships broken, how many children disillusioned, how many siblings estranged all because of our inability to empathize. Most of us are good at sympathy, that is, taking part in another’s emotions: feeling sorrow or happiness for what someone is experiencing. But empathy, on the other hand, is hard. Empathy requires us to put aside our own world view, our own morals, our own values and our own experiences and actually understand someone’s actions or feelings as though they were our own. We have to put on their glasses.

Is it possible that the Beatles had it wrong? Perhaps all we really need is empathy.

 

 

 

 

Best Laid Plans

As a Type A planner, accepting the reality that even the best laid plans can be foiled by unexpected circumstances is tough. I like to know what outcomes to expect. I am a plan a, b, and c -er. Seldom do my plans include giving up on something. I generally work hard, and work out the kinks. I do not quit easily. Quitting my marriage last month was hard. Devastating really. Why couldn't I be stronger, better, more patient, more loving, more kind? Isn't love suppose to conquer all? Love is patent. Love is kind. Right? Love endures all. Or does it?

Marriages do not always break up because you fall out of love. Sometimes they fail despite love. In fact, sometimes love clouds judgment. Sometimes loving causes us to compromise our values, and ourselves. Love may be kind, but it can also be blind.

So here I am at age 57 - weeks away from 58 - single and having to rethink my Two Star Retirement.

My two star retirement was a good plan. (If you don't know what is was all about - go back to 2017 when I started this blog and read some of my early posts). I spent a lot of time thinking it through, sorting out the details, organizing, planning. I spent years working hard, and saving. I just did not plan for a marriage break up at age 57 - three years into the plan! If you have been through a divorce or separation, you know that it can be financially devastating - difficult at the least. Well, for me, that is not the problem. I can actually live on less money as a single person than as a married person. No, the difficult part is the part about not having someone to share that latte with in the morning. Oh, and not everyone is a good travel partner...that's real important when a large part of your retirement plan was about travel. So I am now without a travel partner.

Yes, I know I can travel with other single woman - but group travel is not me. I hate group travel. I am a non-conformist. An adventurer. I chase tornadoes for Pete's sake...not too many single women in their fifties want to do that! I want to stray off the beaten path. And I am frugal...I can always plan a bigger, better trip for less than booking through a tour company. I have perfected the art of luxury travel for less. That is what this two star retirement has been all about! Now I am alone...and it will all look a little different. Not terrible - just different. A man at my side has been very useful for my personal security. Travelling alone is definitely less safe. I have done a fair bit of solo travel - and it has its advantages for sure - but it also has its disadvantages. I am verbal - and saying, "oh my gosh, look at that, that is SOOOOO beautiful, is just not possible when you are alone. That is sad. My love of adventure and appreciation for all the world has to offer is share worthy.

This year, Covid19 has done a good job of screwing up my winter travel plans anyway - so maybe by next year I will have it all sorted out, but for now, I am feeling a little lost, a lot sad, and well, maybe a little less confident than usual. Having said that, I am strong and focused, and do look forward to a complete rethink of my two star retirement - so stay tuned. It most certainly will involve lots of travel, lots of learning, lots of adventure - probably a little more storm chasing - and likely, lots of practical tips on how to live a full and exciting life alone and on less than you think you need!

The Little Green Book and Hatshepsut

I have a little green book where I keep track of things...not day to day things like grocery lists, but goals, things I want to learn, places I want to go, etc. I even have a mission statement. I know, it's weird, but a lot of people have said to me that they are amazed at how much I have done in my life and I can tell you why: the little green book! It helps me keep myself focused on what I truly want in life. So about once a year I dig out my little green book, and I reread it and update it.

It starts with a big heading at the top that says "What am I passionate about?" The reason I wrote this at the top is because I wanted everything else to stem from that. Why spend your life doing stuff your not passionate about? Anyway, for me, I want to make sure I am spending my energy on what truly makes me happy. After my list of what I am passionate I have a statement about what success looks like (to me). For me success is when I am living my life in pursuit of my passions. There are other things in my mission statement - like making a meaningful contribution to the world and  becoming my highest and best self, but all of my endeavors are coloured by my passions. After my statement of success comes my bucket list. I have crossed off quite a lot of stuff there, like go back to university, move to the Okanagan, learn Spanish, run a Bed and Breakfast, etc. There are a few things left like owning a hobby farm but I have stalled on that one because one of my passions is travel, and it is impossible to travel with a bunch of goats! The longest list in the green book is the list of places I want to visit. I have crossed off literally dozens of these - having travelled to over 40 countries in the past 15 years. This past winter I picked off two more with my recent trip to South Africa and Egypt. So this brings me to my final "back blog" to catch up on the entries that were cut short by our narrow escape from Cairo just before they shut down international travel.

After two months in South Africa I had planned a three week trip in Egypt, touring from Cairo down to Luxor, then up to Aswan, and over to the coast. However, the trip was necessarily cut short due to the coronavirus. We ended up missing out on seeing Luxor and the many temples and archaeological sights there - which was really the main reason for visiting. We also had to cancel our luxury cruise (in hind sight this was a very good decision), and while we did the mad dash around Giza and Cairo trying to see everything in the three days we were there, it wasn't all that much fun. 

The traffic in Cairo is insane, the sky is brown and hurts to breath, and the streets are dirty. It's funny, because that sounds a lot like India - and I LOVE India - but I just did not warm up to Egypt. There are a couple of reasons I think. In India, the food is amazing. I can tolerate a lot of icky street garbage in exchange for some seriously good eats. And yup, you guessed it, food is one of my passions. I am passionate about growing it, cooking it, and eating it! Also, every time someone coughed we cringed. We spent two days in a vehicle with a guide who hacked all day long without covering his mouth. In fact, everywhere we went people were coughing. I will admit it is entirely possible we were just paranoid because of the coronavirus crisis, but it did dampen our desire to stay and we couldn't get out of there fast enough!

We did enjoy seeing the pyramids and the Coptic Christian churches. One day while we were walking down the street, a bus full of teenagers stopped across the street. The kids were waiving at us out of their windows, and we waved back. Within seconds the entire bus including the driver had jumped out, run across the street and began mauling us - wanting to take selfies with us, shaking our hands (no doubt slathering us with the virus) and taking our picture. I felt like Julia Roberts - only shorter - and fatter - and well, with smaller lips. I experienced a similar thing when I was in India and Japan. People were constantly stopping me and asking if they could take my picture. As a matter of fact, it happened in Turkey too! Hey - move aside Julia!!

Speaking of women I admire, I really wanted to go to Egypt because I wanted to see the temple of Hatshepsut, the Queen who would be King...a woman after my own heart. She ruled 3500 years ago, and while she was not the first or the only female leader, she was the only to reign as a male - with the full authority of Pharaoh. The statue of her shows her with her boobs in her hands (yes those are boobs) to indicate she cut off her womanhood, and all the statues of her show her wearing a fake beard. I read a great historical fiction about her - one of my favorite books called, Child of the Morning by Pauline Gedge. It is a good read, and maybe it will inspire you to make the journey to Egypt yourself...just be sure to take the hand sanitizer with you and wear a mask.