Fearless

I have been listening to the book Think Like a Monk. The author, and former monk, Jay Shetty talks about fear and why we should acknowledge it and walk towards it. I find myself pondering this quite a bit. I have often been called fearless, and to others, it probably appears as though I run towards fear as I seek out intensity and constantly push myself beyond my comfort zone. Eckhart Tolle in his book The Power of Now says that those who seek adventure and intense situations do so because it forces them to be present. The example he gives is when someone is rock climbing: a single missed step could mean death. Being in the moment - at that moment - is required for survival, and so it forces the climber to be truly present. Living in the moment is not easy for most people. We tend to live in the past or in the future. Neither allows us to be in the "now."

My travels and adventures of the past 15 years have enabled me to be in the moment. I don't think I ever truly understood why I needed adventure so much. My addiction to the intensity of new experiences was enabling me to be present. During this pandemic as I have been unable and unwilling to travel, I find I am feeling incredibly uneasy...like a fish out of water. Travel has enabled me to do that which I have not learned to do at home - be in the moment. 

Learning to be in the now is my intention for 2021. For me what that looks like is taking time each day to look at where I am and try to experience it as I do when I travel to a new place. I want to explore the beauty and excitement that is the Okanagan. I want to walk the streets of Kelowna and see what is around me. I want to indulge in each and every meal I cook as though it is my last. I want to listen to music that moves me to tears. I want to read books that inspire me and I want to write. In 2010 I started writing a book about my first trip around the world. This year I will finish it. 

When I am not travelling I always keep myself busy. I never give myself permission to lay around, read books, or just gaze at the view. I am always rushing from one project to another. Always looking ahead and planning the next adventure. Always moving. Always wondering. No wonder I love getting away! 

I think I have come to realize that it is not the travel per se that I  love so much. It is each and every moment of the travel. I live and love each moment. Is it possible that when I am not travelling I fear the now? What is in the now at home that is scary, I wonder?

This year I will take the time to face my fears - whatever they are. I like to think of myself as self-aware, self actualized, and authentic. I know what I like and want and have always lived my life with intention. But acknowledging my fears...not so much. I don't know what it is I am afraid of but I have an inkling...and now is the time to run towards it. I need to be fearless about that which I fear.