2019 - A New Story

It has been two months since my last blog. Stephane has been in Montreal since the end of October where he spent some much needed time with family and friends and welcomed the birth of our first granddaughter Jade. Today he arrived in Mexico and I am looking forward to joining Stephane in Bucerias on January 7th for two months.

As I sit here on my new chaise lounge looking at the beautiful lake out the window, I am pondering something I listened to on a Youtube Ted talk video the other day. Who we are is determined by the stories we tell ourselves. If you don't tell the story you want, you'll end up living someone else's.

I have always lived my life proactively with little fear. I am not one to want the winds or tides to determine my path. I am goal-oriented, driven, highly industrious and very conscientious. I was born with a Tony Robins manual in my belly (I have never actually read his stuff, so I do not know if that it true - but you get my point...I am easily self motivated and naturally do the things that result in a certain level of success). While these personality traits have their negative components (discontent and being judgmental are the two biggest), they can work in my favour in that my work ethic and motivation also applies to self improvement: I want to work on myself.

Being alone the last two months of 2018 has really helped me: it has been hard, but worthwhile. I have come to see that in silence I hear my authentic self. When alone, I can blame no one for how I feel - only myself. Having nothing to do gives me time to analyze myself, even though gazing deeply into my own soul is terrifying. If you follow my blog you know we have just finished renovating our house and the stress left us both feeling chewed up and spit out, so our separation has been about renovating our marriage. It was a mutual decision to give us time to do some much needed work on ourselves. Everyone knows I love renovating houses, and I need constant change - but - let's face it - changing the wall colour is much more fun than changing myself! Self analyses is hard, and sometimes ugly. Changing ones self requires telling the truth, it means looking deep inside at my own strengths and weaknesses. And so for two months Steph and I have been scraping the layers of old paint off ourselves, and shining up what is underneath. We are not done yet, it is a work in progress, but we are learning to accept things that are not in our control to change. Acceptance of others and 100% accountability are necessary. So are boundaries and staying true to who we are as individuals and what we value.

I am looking forward to seeing my husband again. I have missed him. Time apart to re-set things was good. Our relationship is worth it. But most important, I have a new relationship with myself, as does Stephane with himself, and these two renovated souls are really looking forward to some time together to begin creating the story we want for 2019.