Island Paradise Day 40

I am usually very sanguine, but today I am feeling a little melancholy. The wind has been blowing for three days now, and while that is not uncommon for this time of year, and it brings a lovely respite from the heat and humidity, it means we cannot snorkel. And without snorkeling and swimming, there is not a whole lot to do here.

I miss gardening. My neighbor Susan has a lovely tropical garden here, full of various fruits and flowers. She says in the rainy season, all she has to do is prune branches off and stick them in the ground and they root into a new tree. I find myself telling stories of my garden back home, and then I remember that we sold that house, and I no longer have a garden. It makes me feel a little sad.

The house we bought just before we left is a diamond in the rough and I am looking forward to renovating it. I always feel best when I am productive, and while I am so enamored – smitten even – with Utila - unless you are a home owner with a house and garden to keep you busy, there is really not much to do. Besides, staying here just may not be an option as it looks like there is nothing available for us to rent long term, and I do not think I am ready to buy or build without first renting here for a year. Also, at this point in our “two star retirement, “ being 10 years away from collecting pension and old age security, we want to continue to make some money, and starting a business here is just not possible. They have passed some weird law here in Utila stating that you cannot own a business until you have resided here five years.

I am an entrepreneur – I need a business. Business is what I do. Renovating houses back home is great because it allows me to be “retired” until I am bored and then I can flip a house – work hard for a few months – and then sell it and go travel again. If I buy here, I will use up my renovating fund. It is true we can live on the rent money we have coming in from our properties, but that would keep us on a pretty limited budget, and without the extra money the house flipping provides I would have to seriously curtail my travel habit not to mention my quality wine habit...not sure I want to do that.

Travel is nice – but it is true that at some point one feels the need for “home.” Family, friends, gardens and even routine (something I generally do not long for) start sounding good after awhile. I know I can develop that no matter where we are, but I am just not convinced this is the place. As dreamy as it is, there are a few things nagging at my soul…

Everyone smokes here. Everywhere we go you cannot get away from the smoke. And because the majority of people smoke, there seems to be no cognizance towards the discomfort it might be causing the non smokers. After a get together with friends I wake up the next day feeling like I have smoked a pack of cigarettes: our clothes and hair smell, and my lungs hurt. It is truly ikky. We have met two couples on the south shore that do not smoke, and that is a relief to be sure, but if one wants to be involved in the broader community here – you must accept the smoke.

I also feel like drinking could become a problem here. People do it a lot – it is one of the “activities,” and while drinking wine with dinner has always been a part of our family culture, and I enjoy inviting people over for novelty margaritas at “happy hour,” the heat here contributes to a pretty steady stream of beer drinking too. I am not sure that is healthy for us, and it makes me uncomfortable.

I miss my boys and family "cook offs." I miss having a kitchen where I can bake bread and make yogurt. I miss going outside to pick a handful of fresh herbs. I miss being able to produce truly fantastic meals and I miss a large dining room where I can invite all my family and friends over to eat them. I miss my chickens and fresh eggs. I miss lattes every morning. Back home when we sleep, we are generally entwined because I get cold and seek out Stephane’s warm embrace. Here it is just too hot – we never snuggle anymore.